To swing or not to swing!
Swinging is an adult lifestyle/relationship choice, where couples choose not to confine sexuality and intimate encounters to one partner alone, it is certainly not for everyone, but many swingers find this extra sexual freedom to be of benefit to their relationship. Swinging is more about the recreational side of sex, spicing up not only the personal sexual experience but sex within the relationship.
Polyamory goes a step further, this is where both emotional and sexual bonds are acceptable within the relationship, in short "poly" couples see that you can love more than one person and although they still cherish the relationship they are in, they accept sex and love outside of the "Primary relationship". Polyamory may be much more difficult to accept for many couples and singles that may get involved in this type of relationship.
The Myths about swinging and polyamory.
1. Swinging is a modern lifestyle of the lower classes.
We laugh when we hear this comment, swinging and indeed polyamory relationships have been around for centuries. In fact they started in secret between the "higher classes", swinging was once almost an exclusive secret society amongst some of the world most wealthy people. It can be said that only in recent times has swinging been more widely accepted in all walks of life.
2. Swingers are asking for trouble in their relationship or marriage.
It must be said that swinging is not for everyone, however it is a lifestyle choice that suits many couples and singles alike. It takes a lot of trust and understanding in the relationship and requires the banishment of certain negative feeling such as jealousy. That said many couples enjoy swinging for many years and most claim that it improved their relationship, a lesser percentage of regular swinging couples get divorced or face the problems of betrayal within the relationship. Those who did encounter problems were most probably encountering problems in the relationship before they tried swinging.
3. Swinging is immoral and irresponsible.
Well most swingers would disagree, but of course, just as in any lifestyle, you will find those less responsible than others. Most true swingers get to know the people they share with well, they practice safe sex and choose people carefully as swinging partners. Swinging is not really about "shagging" as many people as you can without consideration, true swingers share with a few carefully selected people that often become lifelong friends.
So is swinging or an open relationship for you ?
Swinging:
When couples in a relationship, married or otherwise, agree to engage in, or allow intimate encounters with another person or couple sometimes as part of a threesome or foursome. Not all swingers allow full sex some just like same room fun, or touching and masturbation. But often it can and does include intercourse and full swapping of partners, either together, in a group, or in separate rooms. Swinging is not cheating and swingers have no reason to lie to each other.
To be swingers you need to have a very close and understanding relationship. To be able to tell your partner everything and to have total trust in each other. You need have the ability to set aside jealousy and to be able to accept seeing your partner enjoying intimacy, even orgasm with another person. Ladies could you really handle watching your guy enjoy getting pleasured from another woman maybe having sex and Cumming with her? Or Guys, when your woman meets a good looking guy would you be ok with her reaching orgasm while riding on His hard (and maybe bigger than yours) cock! It may sound exciting to some, and it can be! But only if you are close enough to accept your other half as a person and be pleased to allow them to enjoy themselves and their sexuality as a natural human being should. If you cant think that way and are jealous or insecure in your relationship then swinging could be your worst nightmare!
Some types of swinging that people enjoy.
Same room sex (couples have sex with their own partners in the same room )
Soft swinging (some flirting, touching, kissing or masturbation may be allowed )
Full swinging ( Full sex between couples either in the same room or separately)
Group swinging (House parties that may include group sex between many couples)
Threesomes (single male or female to join in sometimes with Bi sexual reasons)
Foursomes ( Two couples get together and share each other in the same room)
Open relationships:
Having an open relationship probably requires even more trust in your partner. However it is still the choice for many couples in these modern times. In an open relationship one or both members of the couple are free to engage in intimacy and other relationships outside of the primary relationship. Sometimes this only goes so far as some couples make rules as to how far the other is allowed to go within the secondary relationship. An open relationship requires utmost faith in your partner, total honesty and trust. But there are thousands of couples into swinging and in open relationships that really do work. Plenty of people do find a way to get the balance and variety they need to make life stay interesting while staying with the one they love, and giving their partner the opportunity to do the same... More on Open Relationships
Women and swinging:
It is one of the myths about swinging that, most women are dragged into it by eager males wanting more sex. That is not strictly the truth! While it is true many women have been persuaded into it by their partners, it is also true that many times it is the Ladies who wish to continue the lifestyle rather than the guys. In fact it is women who are the real stars of swinging. The lifestyle brings many more benefits than just sex to a relationship, it is a social way of life and the meeting of many people in a close intimate way, brings women much of the emotional and social needs that they crave with the added touch of some sexual excitement and liberated freedom.
Thinking about sex another way:
When it comes to liberating your sexual and emotional world there are many obstacles we face. The main one being when we don't comply with what is seen in our societies as normal, as soon as we step outside the "norm" we start to question ourselves and feel judgment from others. This has derived from the many years of social conditioning that we have endured. Conditioning and fears relating to the perception of our religions, governments and social pressures. It can be very hard to change what you have been taught and to live outside of the normal, to feel judged by the masses. But that is because if you live outside the normal, if you have a wild side or enjoy things a little differently, it means you are an individual! It means you are able to take life and make the most of it, it means you are interesting, sexual, spiritual, but above all it means you are not afraid to be you! Your sexuality and emotional stability is far better when you go with your feelings instead of your thoughts. Society has planted thoughts in our heads. Its about understanding that most of your thoughts and feelings about sex and relationships have been taught to you; they are not your OWN thoughts. Sometimes when people learn to take some of the rules out of what is normally expected in a relationship, they find it releases many of the pressures and stress relationships have. You are designed to be able to have sexual and emotional contact with more than one person, and one person can rarely provide all that you require for life your sexual and emotional needs.
Dont try and use it as a cure, only an improvment.
Changing your relationship to include other people can, for many people provide, the extra sexual buzz and emotional fulfilment that they require, while still holding a strong loving primary relationship. However, if your relationship is not strong in the first place then i would not suggest it. You need to have full trust and faith in your lover before you allow other people into your love life. Work on getting your relationship stronger before you think about involving other people.
So many people are nervous about swinging, thoughts of ex with strangers is particularly a no no with the women. But actually when you meet people in this way you find that people are just people. You don't have to fuck just anyone you meet !
Meet nice people, other couples etc, go for drinks, chat and only when you feel good with someone you can maybe take it further. Slowly!! Why rush, its better to find people you want to sleep with! Most people worry too much, if you have an open mind enough to swing you will realize after the event that the nerves and restlessness were wasted. In fact it may be a bit of an anti climax. Well of course have you ever slept with anyone who was great first time? Let alone as part of a threesome or foursome.
Swingers tend to make close friends with a few couples and get to know each other better so that sex becomes far more intense and emotional. Rushing in to sex with strangers can also be exciting for some people too though.
Single guys who wish to join in with the swinging lifestyle will find that its not so easy as maybe it should be. Although there are a few couples that like to enjoy the company of an extra guy, you will discover that the vast majority of couples only want to relate to other couples, and especially in group parties, couple to couple friendship is much more than just sex. This is especially true for new couples since sharing only with other couples creates less jealousy issues. For every handful of couples there are hundreds of single men wishing to join the swinging scene, therefore even when a couple does require the company of an extra male the choices are so vast you may have to wait years to find someone who would want to meet with you. Women however do have more Bisexual attraction so single women do not have as much problem finding a couple to join as men do. Bisexual men (or at least the ones that admit it) are much less common and as a result bisexual men do have a little more chance with couples who may have bisexual interests on the male side. For straight males though the statistics are grim and although you may be a nice guy you will find it very hard indeed to join in with many swingers until you have a partner.
Some guys have managed to get around this by advertising for a swinging partner such as a bi female, so that they may join swinging parties together pretending to be a genuine couple. However the swinging scene is very close and friendship is just as important as sex, so it may not be long before people realize you are not a genuine couple and when they do you will probably not be welcome anymore. Single males may have a little more chance with private swingers than they would trying to attend a swingers party or event. There are indeed some men who enjoy watching another male please there partner, but still this is a little rare as men do tend to become more jealous than women. To have success in swinging as a single male is hard but not impossible. The main importance is not to try to rush it. Place an advert via a good Internet contacts system like ours. Write a good descriptive profile and include several nice clear photos of yourself .
Remember also that, swinging is very rarely about sex alone so be prepared to strike up a friendship with those you meet and don’t try to rush into sex. Also never try to contact either member of a swinging couple separately. Most swinging couples are very close and honest with each other and will tell their partner everything. You will just cause yourself more problems than its worth by trying to see one of them on the side, or simply you could destroy the couples trust in each other and you if you did so. Have respect for people and relationships and they will respect you.
Swinging can be a fun way of relaxing , meeting people and enhancing your sex life. It is not just about sex but more of a lifestyle where you get to meet all sorts of interesting people. Its a way of thinking and for many a solution to many of the problems the traditional relationship holds. However for many women just the mention of swinging from a boyfriend or husband can bring out the worst. It can send thoughts of "oh I am not good enough for him" , "why does he want to sleep with other people", the thought of it can seem "seedy" and discussing. But hold on , give him a break , have you ever thought he could be right ! I was in the same situation myself and now I attend swinger’s parties regular as clockwork ! When my husband first mentioned his interest in it, my first reactions were almost divorce material , but then I had the girly talk with a friend and was shocked to find out my best friend and her husband were into the lifestyle themselves ! She encourages me to not be so hard on him and look into thing myself, keeping an open mind. I guess I was lucky as now I have joined a wonderful lifestyle where my husband and myself have met lots of lovely people and had some wonderful times. I also know that many of the women who were talked into it are now more keen followers than the men. I can’t say I have not seen couples have a rocky relationship in the lifestyle (although mine has improved no end), but I can say that it is certainly less than couples that follow the traditional relationship. I think this is down to the fact that swingers tend to be more open and honest with each other , never have anything to hide from each other and are more satisfied and relaxed in life.
User response:
I am a liberated woman, some people may choose to call me a tart, but that is not how I see myself. I really enjoy sex and I know deep down I would never really be happy with just one sexual partner. I use protection and am quite choosy over my partners, but I do have a lot of partners! Some people look down on me for living this lifestyle, but at least I have the courage to be honest about what I crave and desire in life. Maybe they do not have the courage to take their lives into their own hands and choose their own paths to happiness. Sasha (London)
Understanding Sexual liberation.
Swingers, open relationships, fetishes, open gay sexuality, “oh my god what’s the world coming too”! Well that’s what the old ladies at the post office say. The rest, maybe they just tolerate it, maybe ignore it, or maybe wish they had the courage to “be like that” or they just join in! If you are curious about these different attitudes to sex and relationships and how they can possibly work, then read on.
Firstly, it is all about a different attitude to life, another way of looking at things. Many people into swinging open relationships or voyeristic lifestyles are realists, they may look at life in an alternative way, seeing through many of the illusions that living within a society produces.
Sex and sexuality plays a huge part in peoples lives, it is the primary function of life and indeed the reason we are all here. Relationships, friendships and love also play a very important part of our emotional stability in life. However the society we live in can and does control us in how we can behave both sexually and emotionally. Sex and sexuality are often given a very negative image, and relationships with the opposite sex have strict sets of rules we try to follow, no matter how hard. Our true feelings and thoughts may often need to be totally hidden away from our partner, or from our society, so that we can remain accepted within societies attitude to what is normal or acceptable. Religion also plays a huge part in what is acceptable within our societies, as does politics and regional traditions and customs. Whatever society we come from we strive to stay accepted as part of the “Normal” staying controlled and following the rules to whatever level is required to remain accepted. Even when our own thoughts and feelings do not match what is expected of us, we continue to follow the act, never speaking out or acting out what we believe, think or feel for fear of it's rejection.
It may just be possible that most people actually do think and feel just the same way about most things in life, but many of us hide our true feelings and only speak the one's we feel are appropriate and in keeping with our societies rules.
Sometimes casual, functional sex is just what we need. Women can often be put off from enjoying sex, it is hard to understand why we feel so dirty to admit when we just want a good shag ! I do not think that way anymore, when i want a man i go and get one ! Its fun, live is for living ! Amanda (Bexhill on Sea).
nderstanding Sexual liberation.
Swingers, open relationships, fetishes, open gay sexuality, “oh my god what’s the world coming too”! Well that’s what the old ladies at the post office say. The rest, maybe they just tolerate it, maybe ignore it, or maybe wish they had the courage to “be like that” or they just join in! If you are curious about these different attitudes to sex and relationships and how they can possibly work, then read on.
We may never even tell our closest partner our true thoughts, fantasies and feelings, and sometime we even seem shut out the belief that our partner may even have these thoughts themselves. From day one in our live we are taught a strict set of rules, guidelines that we should follow in life and love, anything outside of these rules is given the image of disgust and unacceptability. Those who openly step outside the rules of society, or the boundaries of what is classed as acceptable, risk rejection within their society.
Just as we have laws there to protect us from people who may wish us harm, it may be that the rules, morals and attitudes that we still abide to when it comes to sex and relationships, were, originally there to protect us from harm. Indeed before the days of modern medicine and contraception, sex, was indeed a risky practice within communities. Spreading of disease, infections and of course the very high risk of pregnancy along with a general public ignorance of sex, may well be the key to why our societies and religions adopted these attitudes to sex. However, we live in the year 2009, contraception, hygiene and general education is much better now, of course there are always some risks to open sexual behavior, but with some amount of care, open sexual activity between consenting adults can be safe and fulfilling.
In traditional relationships the main problem and one that always has caused the biggest issues is the subject of monogamy and faithfulness. Though many of us strive to have “perfect relationships” in a monogamous way, they do very often go wrong and in many a case, that is due to one of the couple failing on monogamy (How many relationships do you know that ended this way?). Sexual Monogamy for many intents and purposes may be quite unnatural, and although we try hard to abide by this rule we cannot always control the power that nature has over us when it comes to sex.
The emotional restrictions in traditional relationships can also be very restrictive, usually allowing only deep meaningful and intimate emotions to develop within the main relationship. Of course we may love our family and close friends and we are allowed some form of relationship with them, but when a close friend becomes too close, or there is too much intimacy, this feels like a threat to our primary relationship and the walls close in.
The sad thing however is that, we are very emotional and sexual beings, we are more than capable of love, sex and intimacy with more than one person in our lives and one person can rarely satisfy everything we truly desire. This can lead to inner frustrations that can and do result in the relationship failing as we crave more attention in some way, either sexually emotionally or both.
Rarely do relationships split up because we have fallen out of love with our partner, or no longer care about them. More often they end because we have been seeking attention elsewhere to satisfy the needs we may have. That is not acceptable in the traditional relationship so therefore it must end.
Many people lie to and deceive their partners in order to have sex, or emotional attachments elsewhere, usually hoping not to be caught out and therefore never to spoil their primary relationship, or to risk loosing their partner.
This of course only adds to the problem more if the secret gets out, as then we have the very real problem of deceit and lack of trust, along with the broken rules of the relationship and jealousy that follows.
The truth is that most of us require some amount of sexual or emotional attention outside of the long term monogamous relationship, at times we all crave it, and even at the risk of breaking the rules of our relationship and possibly loosing our partner, that we may still love dearly, a huge amount of us will still risk getting involved with another person at some time. Maybe it is not the relationship that is at fault but societies ideals of how a relationship should be. We can even tear ourselves apart at the thought of our relationship not ending up how we had hoped, we all long for the perfect relationship, many of us find faults in the relationships we have because it is not how we imagined it to be.
Many people feel there is something missing in their relationship and try hard to find it, maybe they are looking for something they will never find and should never expect to find within one person.
So traditional relationships and views do not always work, but what about the more liberated attitudes can they and do they work.
Yes and no! Liberated attitudes to sex, sexuality and relationships can indeed work and we believe if mastered and understood right they may prove more. It takes a whole new way of thinking and un-learning of some of the things we have learned. It may put us at risk of looking a little out of place within our society, although these days it is slowly becoming more acceptable. Why do we look upon the act of sex with such fear? If your partner was having sex behind your back and you knew nothing about it but your relationship was good, then would the secret sex make them, or your relationship different in any way? Yes, it would make them a liar and cheat, but then, could they have openly told you about it, without affecting the relationship, even before it actually took place?
The best way to start on the road to sexual and emotional liberation, is to search within yourself first. If you could have it all your own way, if you could write the rules and morals to life, using your own thoughts and feelings, how would you set out the guidelines?
If you had total sexual freedom within your relationship would you appreciate it?
Would you be able to accept your partner with another person? If not why not? If your answer is something like “well just because its not right”, then are you thinking for yourself, or from what you have been taught is right ? Becoming truly liberated takes time and understanding, it is not about breaking all the rules, but about modifying them a little to suit you better. It is about realizing and understanding that each person is an individual and you are an individual. Your wants and needs may differ to that of your partner or another person just as theirs may differ from yours. It is about accepting that you have been born to feel sexually and emotionally towards other people, it is not a crime, or a sin, it is a true beautiful gift of nature and life. Many people who have adopted more liberated attitudes to life such as swingers have found alternative ways that non-traditional can work, often better than traditional ones. In this lifestyle couples in relationships can often become life long friends with another couple or sometimes single person, allowing them into the walls of the relationship and, choosing to share both emotional and sexual experiences together.
This website is dedicated to British swingers and keeping this wonderful lifestyle alive, if you live in the UK and want to meet other couples and single people that are into the swinging lifestyle then join our contacts today. Our contact adverts are more than just that, they are provide a "virtual swingers community" for genuine UK swingers. Meet other swingers in almost every region of the UK and Ireland, there are 1000's of English swingers just waiting to meet some new friends. We have no upper age restrictions, here you can find swingers aged 18 to 80, showing that we can "let go" at any age !!
