Open Relationships.

Open relationships can indeed work, but, like ANY relationship they can FAIL too!

When people choose to have a regular"traditional relationship" they are simply making a choice, based on a type of relationship, they believe may work, or may be the best. However, traditional relationships are prone to failure too! Just because a traditional relationship is the choice of the "many", it does not mean it is the only choice, or the only type of relationship that can work!

There are many people who have chosen to have open relationships, or add swinging to a relationship and find it works for them just fine! Having said that, there are some who have tried it and ended up in failure, but then, they probably would have failed anyway, whatever style or relationship they were in!

Throughout the world there are many beliefs and many different types of relationships and you will find, just as the majority of people in the UK will choose Monogamy and Christian values, those with other beliefs will "go with the majority too". In countries where it is normal to have more than one partner, then the majority will follow and of course, in those countries where it applies, non-monogamy works just as well as our Monogamous culture.

The main problem is, when it comes to relationships, we tend to make decisions based upon the Majority of people within our society, rather than, what may be best for ourselves. All your life you have been brought up with a set of "ideals" about how to live your life and have a relationship, those beliefs will differ, depending where you were raised! Many people cannot even consider anything else than what they were brought up to accept as "normal".

That said, you could say we all have a very "narrow" view on life, only allowing ourselves to experience it as we were "told" we should. Even if, in the back of your mind, you questions things, it is normal that all those years of "conditioning" will stop you from ever trying things in a different way.

Social Compliance.

Even those of you who may have considered an open relationship, or have talked about it with a partner, will rarely embrace the new idea with "open arms". There is the question of "what will other people think",  even if you are discreet then, "what if someone found out" !

Each society, has control over individuality, people all try to "act the same" and "fit in". The thought of people talking behind your back, of feeling different, or embarassment, can stop you living life in the way you see fit, or experimenting with new ideas.

So can it work for you ?

Maybe! Many people have successful, long term, commited open relationships and find it works for them just fine, so there is no reason it cannot work for you either! You will need to go through some re-conditioning before it does though, so expect many difficult feelings especially those of jealousy to appear. You will need to learn how to cope with them.

ONE OF THE MAIN INGREDIENTS TO MAKE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WORK IS TRUST !

In ANY type of relationship TRUST is the key issue and in an open relationship, trust and honesty play a HUGE part! Loose the trust in any type of relationship and well, it's fucked really! Never more so would that matter that when you are seeing another partner, everyone has to be 100% honest and trust each other, or "fireworks" will soon be exploding!

Lack of Honesty and trust destroys more relationships than anything else and even more of it is required to make an open relationship work. Next to trust comes understanding, understanding your partner as a person, understanding thier needs, understanding that sometimes, one lover will not be enough.

Before you even think about an open relationship, you must be in the position where you are able to talk to your partner about everything and fully trust each other. If you are holding back those "white lies", or find it difficult to talk to your partner about your fantisies and desires, then you need to work on that first!

If an open relationship, more than one partner, or swinging is what YOU desire, even if you have a desire to try something new, like fetish, does you partner know about it? When you are alone, do you masterbate and have fantisies about other people, or other sexual situations, yet never tell your partner? Have you had affairs that still remain a dark secret from your partner, something you guard with your life?

If any of the above is the case, then, in reality, your partner does not know the real you! They only know what you want them to know and the person you pretend to be in thier presence, that is a shame! It is also a recipie for disaster and if one day a secret "gets out" it's also a recipie for distruction of the relationship.

If you are going to be openly seeing other people, then you partner needs to feel secure and trust you 100%, or you will heading for certain failure. That means you need to work on talking and maybe clearing up any "hidden" cobwebs, before you consider this new type of relationship. It also means that you MUST be the same with any new partners too, informing them of the situation they are entering and not using deception to get what you want. 

ALLOWING IT TO HAPPEN AND WHY DO IT ?

So, you cannot imagine your partner having a relationship or sex with anyone else but you, that's a normal reaction and often one of insecurity! Some people even try to "blank out" that possibility and think that thier partners would never want to do that anyway. The truth is, almost everyone wants to at some time, even yourself when you think about it.

It's often not because he/she does not love you anymore, fancy you or enjoy your sex life, it has more to do with nature and with the need to feel loved and desirable to more than one person. Of course, sex outside the relationship can be a big "buzz" too, but it does not make the sex within the relationship any less enjoyable. In Fact in most cases in enhances it, in fact, through my talking with many people in open relationships, I have discoverd there are too many benefits to mention, for those who "do it right".

Everyone has thier own reasons for wanting to try an open relationship, or swinging, but like every type of relationship, it requires work to succeed. The reasons are as varied as the people themselves and can include (but are certainly not limited to) mismatched libidos, bisexuality in one or both partners or a realization that it's just terribly difficult to be everything to your partner, sexually or otherwise. Take a look at the links I have provided for you on this page, they contain some of the very best articles on the subject of open relationships and will help you to understand much more than I have laid down in this article.

In summary, open relationships can and often do work better than traditional ones, but there is a different set of rules to follow. If you are considering an open relationship, or are in one and having "issues", then please feel free to contact Liberated Adult with your questions. Our team are experienced in open relationship and swinging and can provide impartial advice, discreetly, by email. We don't judge and you don't need to take our advice, but we are here to listen!

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